Bismillah...
I walked to the mall, took 20 minutes. I didn't spend any money, just wanted to get out of the house instead of sit at home on Eid, doing nothing. Except for sore feet, it was enjoyable. I always get lost in that mall and they don't have any entrance ramps for the baby's stroller on the street that I was on.
That anonymous commentor who did not like the book The Ideal Muslimah (which, by the way, I never said I was implimenting at this time) got me interested in Salafi-ism, is that even a word? Salafi belief. I am not interested in being a Salafi, I don't think I am quite there yet. I just want to see what they are about. I do feel that I need to do more than just pray and wear hijab. I still do not wear hijab while in Arkansas. I still can not find the words to explain Islam to my Christian family. It all makes so much sense to me, I love Islam and I think it is a beautiful way of life, why can't I find the words to describe it to others? I get so tongue tied. and I feel so conflicted about the hijab thing. but this last time i was there I did pray all my prayers, first time I ever did that. Basically, I want to move on from just the basic stuff and represent myself as a stronger believer, I just have so many things holding me back.
I did read a khutbah by a Salafi imam, about women should stay in the house and only come out when there is a necessity. Boo...I can agree that it is better for the children if their own mother is able to stay home while they are young, not always inside, but there to raise her kids, but here in the States, one income families rarely survive. Sad fact of our society. Alhumdulillah, for the past year we have been able to do that, but it has been hard and stressful at times. But I would go crazy if I had to stay in the house and never leave, if only to get some air.
I do not think that niqab is fard and I do not think that women should never go outside the house and I don't think that all women are fitnah and I don't think women should bare the sloe responciblity of protecting men from fitnah, they are also commanded in the Qur'an to lower their gaze, it's not always the woman's fault he some stupid man chooses not to do so. I have only seen a few Salafi sites, some negative, some possitive. I don't have time to find the addresses right now, will have to update this post later.
Bismillah hir Rahman nir Rahim
September 30, 2008
Eid Mubarak!!!
Eid Mubarak!
Well, there was the usual confusion of when because everyone has their own method of deciding if the moon has been sighted. HEre in Houston, some of the masjids changed their minds, I think. It gets on my nerves every year, just like the first day of Ramadan, this group says Monday, that country says Tuesday, Shi'as wait a day after Sunnis.
So I decided this year, once and for all, what my own method will be. My husband and I used to live in Arkansas, where there is no community, so we always relied on his parents in Bahrain, and Bahrain always goes with Saudi Arabia. From what I understand, unless I am mistaken, Saudi Arabia accepts a reliable sighting regardless of where it is. I seem to recall my first Ramadan in 1996 started after an imam in Japan saw the moon, and that community was mostly Saudi. I might be wrong, but that is what I have decided from now on, and I was told that first Ramadan that is the way it should be done. If it is sighted anywhere and the source is reliable, we will accept it as the new moon and do what we got to do.
I know others will wait for the majority of their own community, I have heard that you should do this.
Others will wait until the moon is sighted with the naked eye instead of with the high powered telescopes that can spot it a day before, I have heard you should this, also. I have heard so many different methods, it can get really confusing! So I told myself JUST PICK ONE, so for me today, Eid Mubarak.
I was not able to go to the prayers. I really have not been going to any masjid for a while. And the big prayers they have at the Reliant Center, with ISGH (Islamic Society of Greater Houston) is going to be on Wednesday, anyway. My husband had to go to a class down town and could not take us. So I think I will dress up and walk the three blocks to the big fancy mall. Get out of the house for a while before it gets too hot.
Well, there was the usual confusion of when because everyone has their own method of deciding if the moon has been sighted. HEre in Houston, some of the masjids changed their minds, I think. It gets on my nerves every year, just like the first day of Ramadan, this group says Monday, that country says Tuesday, Shi'as wait a day after Sunnis.
So I decided this year, once and for all, what my own method will be. My husband and I used to live in Arkansas, where there is no community, so we always relied on his parents in Bahrain, and Bahrain always goes with Saudi Arabia. From what I understand, unless I am mistaken, Saudi Arabia accepts a reliable sighting regardless of where it is. I seem to recall my first Ramadan in 1996 started after an imam in Japan saw the moon, and that community was mostly Saudi. I might be wrong, but that is what I have decided from now on, and I was told that first Ramadan that is the way it should be done. If it is sighted anywhere and the source is reliable, we will accept it as the new moon and do what we got to do.
I know others will wait for the majority of their own community, I have heard that you should do this.
Others will wait until the moon is sighted with the naked eye instead of with the high powered telescopes that can spot it a day before, I have heard you should this, also. I have heard so many different methods, it can get really confusing! So I told myself JUST PICK ONE, so for me today, Eid Mubarak.
I was not able to go to the prayers. I really have not been going to any masjid for a while. And the big prayers they have at the Reliant Center, with ISGH (Islamic Society of Greater Houston) is going to be on Wednesday, anyway. My husband had to go to a class down town and could not take us. So I think I will dress up and walk the three blocks to the big fancy mall. Get out of the house for a while before it gets too hot.
September 29, 2008
Happy Birthday
Bismillah...
I have so many drafts, and now they are all out dated, might as well delete them. It's hard keeping up with anything when the baby is not as into as I am. Right now I am fending him off with SpongeBob and Cheerios. He has entered the whining stage, which is like nails on a chalkboard. anyway, my baby turned one while we were in Arkansas with my family during our evacuation. he got spoiled plenty by his mam-ma and pap-pa and Uncle Goober, hahaha... Goober.
We have lights, got those back about a week after the storm. (My husband had come back to go back to work.) the water is a bit brown, I am trying to run it thru the Brita pitcher a few times to see if that helps.
We drove back to Housotn last night in the dark so I didn't see much. Saw a few trees with the tops twisted off, probably by tornados, and lots of billboard signs blown down. Some areas are still in the dark and we saw plenty of cherry pickers and electric trucks. In fact I saw several convoys of these trucks trekking thru Arkansas over the past few weeks, from Indiana, Michigan, Kentucky, all heading south.
Today is my birthday. Not that I really care, but now I understand birthdays really shouldn't be about the actual birthday person, it should be about their mama. Last week I kept thinking, "What was I doing a year ago at this time?" Sitting in the waiting room of the ultrasound center for a simple appointment, no plans of having a baby that day; the girl in my doctor's office running from the room after she checked my blood pressure and not even taking the cuff off; being rolled unexpectedly over to the hospital in a wheelchair because my blood pressure was dangerously high, my nose had started bleeding, too; finding out I had toxemia and was going to be having an emergency C-Section "in about two hours"; realizing we should have packed that bag weeks ago, should have kept the cameras in the car at all times, we had NOTHING with us; finally getting to see this little baby, but only for a few minutes because he has to go to the NICU for a few hours; after several weeks of being an insulin dependent diabetic I finally got to eat chocolate cake again, and I ordered it for every meal for the four days I was in the hospital; bringing my baby home for the first time and having no idea what to do; crying a lot, baby crying a lot.
Alhumdulillah, one whole year has passed...
I have so many drafts, and now they are all out dated, might as well delete them. It's hard keeping up with anything when the baby is not as into as I am. Right now I am fending him off with SpongeBob and Cheerios. He has entered the whining stage, which is like nails on a chalkboard. anyway, my baby turned one while we were in Arkansas with my family during our evacuation. he got spoiled plenty by his mam-ma and pap-pa and Uncle Goober, hahaha... Goober.
We have lights, got those back about a week after the storm. (My husband had come back to go back to work.) the water is a bit brown, I am trying to run it thru the Brita pitcher a few times to see if that helps.
We drove back to Housotn last night in the dark so I didn't see much. Saw a few trees with the tops twisted off, probably by tornados, and lots of billboard signs blown down. Some areas are still in the dark and we saw plenty of cherry pickers and electric trucks. In fact I saw several convoys of these trucks trekking thru Arkansas over the past few weeks, from Indiana, Michigan, Kentucky, all heading south.
Today is my birthday. Not that I really care, but now I understand birthdays really shouldn't be about the actual birthday person, it should be about their mama. Last week I kept thinking, "What was I doing a year ago at this time?" Sitting in the waiting room of the ultrasound center for a simple appointment, no plans of having a baby that day; the girl in my doctor's office running from the room after she checked my blood pressure and not even taking the cuff off; being rolled unexpectedly over to the hospital in a wheelchair because my blood pressure was dangerously high, my nose had started bleeding, too; finding out I had toxemia and was going to be having an emergency C-Section "in about two hours"; realizing we should have packed that bag weeks ago, should have kept the cameras in the car at all times, we had NOTHING with us; finally getting to see this little baby, but only for a few minutes because he has to go to the NICU for a few hours; after several weeks of being an insulin dependent diabetic I finally got to eat chocolate cake again, and I ordered it for every meal for the four days I was in the hospital; bringing my baby home for the first time and having no idea what to do; crying a lot, baby crying a lot.
Alhumdulillah, one whole year has passed...
Return to Houston
(I wrote this a few days back. I evacuated for the hurricane and got stranded in Arkansas at my parent's house for two weeks. Alhumdulillah, we are now home in Houston, with power, but I think the water is not so drinkable.
Oh, and today is my birthday, but I'm not really paying to much attention. I've already turned 26 a few times.)
Bismillah hir Rahman nir Rahim...
My husband and I decided not to stay in Houston with the possibility of no electricity or water because we have the baby. I tend to bail when the Weather Channel talks about "certain death." So we came to Arkansas to stay with my parents. It was nothing like evacuating for Rita, the roads were empty (it was early AM Friday when we left.) We stayed up all night watching it hit Galveston. I was in shock the next morning when I saw what all it had done.
And then Saturday night the hurricane passed thru Arkansas, and we had some very strong winds. This area is still wet from Gustav a week before and with the strong winds from Ike, one of the huge pine trees in our yard fell onto our house! Right in the middle. I was actually walking into the very room it landed on, if I had not stepped into the bathroom to put something away for that brief second I would have been buried under the ceiling, rafters, and insulation. The tree itself did not reach all the way to the ground, it had a rotted spot in the middle and there is a wall right in the middle of the house and it snapped the tree in half. The roof literally caved in at my feet. The top half of the tree crashed thru the sun porch on the back of the house.
I had no idea what it was, it happened so fast. I heard a loud boom and had just enough time to think to myself that it was not thunder, when I heard a second crash and felt the house shaking. I thought we had been struck by lightening! I just screamed and went running to find my baby.
Alhumdulillah, we were all unhurt. I actually didn't remember half of what happened, I think my mind blocked it out, and I started remember bits and pieces over the next two days. It's just, you never know when or where it could happen, you think you are going to be safe in your house, away from all the windows like they always preach to you during storms, or you think you are evacuating from a hurricane to be safe, and then a tree falls on you.
I learned a few things, like, I can run faster than a tree can fall, always put your stuff up where it belongs, and you can not escape harm or death if that is what Allah has ordained for you.
Oh, and today is my birthday, but I'm not really paying to much attention. I've already turned 26 a few times.)
Bismillah hir Rahman nir Rahim...
My husband and I decided not to stay in Houston with the possibility of no electricity or water because we have the baby. I tend to bail when the Weather Channel talks about "certain death." So we came to Arkansas to stay with my parents. It was nothing like evacuating for Rita, the roads were empty (it was early AM Friday when we left.) We stayed up all night watching it hit Galveston. I was in shock the next morning when I saw what all it had done.
And then Saturday night the hurricane passed thru Arkansas, and we had some very strong winds. This area is still wet from Gustav a week before and with the strong winds from Ike, one of the huge pine trees in our yard fell onto our house! Right in the middle. I was actually walking into the very room it landed on, if I had not stepped into the bathroom to put something away for that brief second I would have been buried under the ceiling, rafters, and insulation. The tree itself did not reach all the way to the ground, it had a rotted spot in the middle and there is a wall right in the middle of the house and it snapped the tree in half. The roof literally caved in at my feet. The top half of the tree crashed thru the sun porch on the back of the house.
I had no idea what it was, it happened so fast. I heard a loud boom and had just enough time to think to myself that it was not thunder, when I heard a second crash and felt the house shaking. I thought we had been struck by lightening! I just screamed and went running to find my baby.
Alhumdulillah, we were all unhurt. I actually didn't remember half of what happened, I think my mind blocked it out, and I started remember bits and pieces over the next two days. It's just, you never know when or where it could happen, you think you are going to be safe in your house, away from all the windows like they always preach to you during storms, or you think you are evacuating from a hurricane to be safe, and then a tree falls on you.
I learned a few things, like, I can run faster than a tree can fall, always put your stuff up where it belongs, and you can not escape harm or death if that is what Allah has ordained for you.
September 11, 2008
Sad
Today is 9/11. I always get sad on 9/11. After all these years I still get shocked when I see those images, can't believe it really happened. I am not one of those who thinks it was a Jewish conspiracy. I think it's stupid to believe that 1000s+ Jews didn't show up for work that day, get real. When they read off the names of those who died, there are plenty of Jewish names, and Jews in the US are not so "united" that they would all come up with something so horrible. The fartherest out on the limb I am willing to go is to say possibly the government knew something was about to happen, (how could such a huge understaking slip past them?), and possibly it was allowed to happen, to give them a reason to go to war, so the country would hate Muslims in general, I don't know. I don't know about all that "people came in a week before and placed bombs to go off at the same time the planes hit" theory, or the "jet fuel is not hot enough to melt the beams" theory. Plain and simple, you fly an airliner into a building, it's going to fall. It's all but obvious who did it. They claim to be Muslim, but they obviously do not follow the Islam that I choose to follow. They are crazy, brainwashed, opportunistic, STUPID STUPID STUPID people who have given Islam a bad image. there are so many ignorant Muslims out there. I am sorry but it is true.
Get off this now, it's Ramadhan, time for happy thoughts. But I have not been too happy the past few days. For one thing the baby has been fussing and whining more than usual this week and I am about at the end of my rope. And why do men think that women are all too happy to put up with fussy kids or better at it then they are, just because we are the mother? Why don't they get it into their thick skulls that when they know their wife is obviously upset and having a hard time, they should stay and help her thru it, a little thing called SUPPORT, instead of going out every night to meet their friends, leaving her home alone AGAIN. Just reminding her that she is trapped forever in the house with a whiney kid and he is free to come and go as he pleases, making her depression even worse. Why doesn't he care that he is breaking her heart everytime he leaves her to fend for herself? He is the only person she sees all day and he obviously doesn't care to spend anytime with her, prefers to see his friends.
Astaghfurillah.
Get off this now, it's Ramadhan, time for happy thoughts. But I have not been too happy the past few days. For one thing the baby has been fussing and whining more than usual this week and I am about at the end of my rope. And why do men think that women are all too happy to put up with fussy kids or better at it then they are, just because we are the mother? Why don't they get it into their thick skulls that when they know their wife is obviously upset and having a hard time, they should stay and help her thru it, a little thing called SUPPORT, instead of going out every night to meet their friends, leaving her home alone AGAIN. Just reminding her that she is trapped forever in the house with a whiney kid and he is free to come and go as he pleases, making her depression even worse. Why doesn't he care that he is breaking her heart everytime he leaves her to fend for herself? He is the only person she sees all day and he obviously doesn't care to spend anytime with her, prefers to see his friends.
Astaghfurillah.
September 9, 2008
The Ideal Muslimah
Bismillah hir Rahman nir Rahim
I have been reading the book The Ideal Muslimah. While the information is good, very thurough I might add, I find it to be typical of religious books translated from Arabic. Not sayng there is anything wrong with the translation, just the wording is a bit odd and repetitive. They always use words that typical English readers don't use so it just sounds a bit off.
Anyway, that being said, I realize that I have a long way to go if I want to be the "ideal Muslimah." I have read the "daughter" chapter and the "wife" chapter (oh, man!) and now I am starting the "mother" chapter. Daughter chapter, common sense, treat your parents with kindness and respect, even if they are not Muslim.
The wife chapter....when I first started reading this book I had a feeling I was going to get pissed off when I read this chapter. It does go into detail about how the wife is supposed to be some kind of Super Woman and basically create some kind of heaven on earth for her husband. She is supposed to obey him as long as he is not going against Islam, she is supposed to overlook his faults and be sweet for him, dress up for him (in fact, the wife who does not look nice for her husband is falling into sin, the book says!) she is supposed to be patient when he gets out of hand. All this is well and good but in my mind this borders on servent more than wife, at least the way I was raised.
In my house, we always got our own glass of water, we always made our own plate at dinner, no one brought anything to us. We cleaned up our own messes, my mom was not a servent. She cooked and cleaned, did laundry, made sure we got up and got to school on time. But if you weren't there when dinner was ready, too bad for you. If you want a sandwich, you know where the bread is, knock yourself out. None of us, including my dad, expected her to run around dong this simple little things.
My husband, on the other hand, was a bit put off that I never did these simple little things for him. And it put me off that he expected me to run and bring him this and that, make a simple sandwich or snack that a five year old can do, while he was just sitting around with perfectly functioning hands and not doing anything that would prevent him from using his perfectly functioning hands to make his own damn sandwich. Really ticks me off that he "likes the way I make salad." WTH!?!? you throw lettuse and ranch on a plate, BOOM, salad.
A few months ago, his friend and friend's wife came to visit us for a week or so, and I saw the way she ran around, chasing their 2 year-old and fetching things for her husband, she rarely got to sit down. But didn't seem to get ticked off about, like I would have. Like, who does that guy think he is, must be nice having someone do all these simple things for him that he could do himself while she is watching their hyper kid.
So I was reading this "how to be the perfect Muslim wife" chapter, and it said something that I had not thought about before. Doing all these simple little mind-numbing things, get him a snack, bring him a glass of water when he comes home from work, bring him whatever from the kitchen or bedroom, these should not be considered as service to him, actually. When you do little things for him, or for anyone for that matter, it is the same as charity, a form of kindness, and inshaAllah, you get rewarded from Allah for that. So it is actually a religious duty, or service to Allah, to try to make your husband's life a little easier, even if it is as medial as throwing salad on a plate. You are serving Allah when you take care of your husband, and your kids. Why would you want to give up an easy chance to get rewarded from Allah, just because you think you are too good to get a glass of water?
In a perfect (dream!) world, the man is supposed to support the family financially, the woman is supposed to support him by providing a pleasant place for him to come home to. Last year we both worked, but once my baby was born I chose to stay home and raise him. I can not bear the thought of day care, I hear to many horror stories and I would not want to pick him up one day and the care giver say, "Guess what! He took his first steps today!" I know it is necessary for many many families in this day and age, both parents have to work to make ends meet, but so far, we have survived on just my husband's income, alhumdulillah. so I think it is only right that I try to make his home life easier by coming down off my high horse and try to be more "wifey."
I have been reading the book The Ideal Muslimah. While the information is good, very thurough I might add, I find it to be typical of religious books translated from Arabic. Not sayng there is anything wrong with the translation, just the wording is a bit odd and repetitive. They always use words that typical English readers don't use so it just sounds a bit off.
Anyway, that being said, I realize that I have a long way to go if I want to be the "ideal Muslimah." I have read the "daughter" chapter and the "wife" chapter (oh, man!) and now I am starting the "mother" chapter. Daughter chapter, common sense, treat your parents with kindness and respect, even if they are not Muslim.
The wife chapter....when I first started reading this book I had a feeling I was going to get pissed off when I read this chapter. It does go into detail about how the wife is supposed to be some kind of Super Woman and basically create some kind of heaven on earth for her husband. She is supposed to obey him as long as he is not going against Islam, she is supposed to overlook his faults and be sweet for him, dress up for him (in fact, the wife who does not look nice for her husband is falling into sin, the book says!) she is supposed to be patient when he gets out of hand. All this is well and good but in my mind this borders on servent more than wife, at least the way I was raised.
In my house, we always got our own glass of water, we always made our own plate at dinner, no one brought anything to us. We cleaned up our own messes, my mom was not a servent. She cooked and cleaned, did laundry, made sure we got up and got to school on time. But if you weren't there when dinner was ready, too bad for you. If you want a sandwich, you know where the bread is, knock yourself out. None of us, including my dad, expected her to run around dong this simple little things.
My husband, on the other hand, was a bit put off that I never did these simple little things for him. And it put me off that he expected me to run and bring him this and that, make a simple sandwich or snack that a five year old can do, while he was just sitting around with perfectly functioning hands and not doing anything that would prevent him from using his perfectly functioning hands to make his own damn sandwich. Really ticks me off that he "likes the way I make salad." WTH!?!? you throw lettuse and ranch on a plate, BOOM, salad.
A few months ago, his friend and friend's wife came to visit us for a week or so, and I saw the way she ran around, chasing their 2 year-old and fetching things for her husband, she rarely got to sit down. But didn't seem to get ticked off about, like I would have. Like, who does that guy think he is, must be nice having someone do all these simple things for him that he could do himself while she is watching their hyper kid.
So I was reading this "how to be the perfect Muslim wife" chapter, and it said something that I had not thought about before. Doing all these simple little mind-numbing things, get him a snack, bring him a glass of water when he comes home from work, bring him whatever from the kitchen or bedroom, these should not be considered as service to him, actually. When you do little things for him, or for anyone for that matter, it is the same as charity, a form of kindness, and inshaAllah, you get rewarded from Allah for that. So it is actually a religious duty, or service to Allah, to try to make your husband's life a little easier, even if it is as medial as throwing salad on a plate. You are serving Allah when you take care of your husband, and your kids. Why would you want to give up an easy chance to get rewarded from Allah, just because you think you are too good to get a glass of water?
In a perfect (dream!) world, the man is supposed to support the family financially, the woman is supposed to support him by providing a pleasant place for him to come home to. Last year we both worked, but once my baby was born I chose to stay home and raise him. I can not bear the thought of day care, I hear to many horror stories and I would not want to pick him up one day and the care giver say, "Guess what! He took his first steps today!" I know it is necessary for many many families in this day and age, both parents have to work to make ends meet, but so far, we have survived on just my husband's income, alhumdulillah. so I think it is only right that I try to make his home life easier by coming down off my high horse and try to be more "wifey."
September 5, 2008
Hijab in a Small Town
Despite what most Yankees think of Texas, it is not entirely an extremist Christian state. Within Dallas, Houston and even San Antonio and Austin, you will find large non-Christian communities, most of which have either adapted to or have been accepted with few problems. The Houston Muslim community is one of the largest Muslim communities in the entire country, let alone the state of Texas. As for myself, personally, I can honestly say I have never had a problem wearing my hijab in Houston. I don't wear abaya or jilbob very often, but when I do, I don't notice anything from anyone because there are several women who wear it all the time.
Of course, once you venture out of the big city, you are a bit a vulnerable. I have driven across eastern Texas to Arkansas wearing my hijab several times. Once we leave Houston metro area, I get nervous. And once we hit the state line...
I have not yet worn my hijab publicly in small town Arkansas. This is a weakness in my iman. I don't know if it's so much weakness of faith as it is so much weakness of courage. I am scared of being the center of attention in this small town. Many people remember me or know my family and I am afraid they will by embarrassed to be seen with me. I especially think about my brother's reaction. He has never seen me wear it (or, not in many many years and he did not like it or understand it.) My parents see me wear it when they come to visit me in Houston. They have said nothing. But so far I have not had the courage to wear it while in Arkansas.
The last time we went there, I wore it the whole trip, right up to their front door. They live off the highway, so I can freely take it off while at their house. But I took it off before I went inside. And didn't put it back on till we were well on our way. (Well, it was dark, I sometimes take it off in the car if it's dark.)
My brother is supposed to come in a few weeks. I will not stop wearing it while he is here. I have no fear wearing it here, it's just back home that I get scared. It's the biggest obstacle I have in my life right now, this anxiety about wearing hijab in Arkansas has held me back for years. When my parents came for the birth of my son, and I wore it for the first time in front of them, they proabaly said nothing because of my fragile state of mind. (And, boy, was it fragile!) And since then, they have come a few more times and I resolutely wore it, no discussion, no problem.
I have no idea if it is all in my head or if they would really be embarrassed or if they would be supportive or proud of the fact that I was brave enough to wear it there. I have no idea if they would have anything to say at all.
Of course, once you venture out of the big city, you are a bit a vulnerable. I have driven across eastern Texas to Arkansas wearing my hijab several times. Once we leave Houston metro area, I get nervous. And once we hit the state line...
I have not yet worn my hijab publicly in small town Arkansas. This is a weakness in my iman. I don't know if it's so much weakness of faith as it is so much weakness of courage. I am scared of being the center of attention in this small town. Many people remember me or know my family and I am afraid they will by embarrassed to be seen with me. I especially think about my brother's reaction. He has never seen me wear it (or, not in many many years and he did not like it or understand it.) My parents see me wear it when they come to visit me in Houston. They have said nothing. But so far I have not had the courage to wear it while in Arkansas.
The last time we went there, I wore it the whole trip, right up to their front door. They live off the highway, so I can freely take it off while at their house. But I took it off before I went inside. And didn't put it back on till we were well on our way. (Well, it was dark, I sometimes take it off in the car if it's dark.)
My brother is supposed to come in a few weeks. I will not stop wearing it while he is here. I have no fear wearing it here, it's just back home that I get scared. It's the biggest obstacle I have in my life right now, this anxiety about wearing hijab in Arkansas has held me back for years. When my parents came for the birth of my son, and I wore it for the first time in front of them, they proabaly said nothing because of my fragile state of mind. (And, boy, was it fragile!) And since then, they have come a few more times and I resolutely wore it, no discussion, no problem.
I have no idea if it is all in my head or if they would really be embarrassed or if they would be supportive or proud of the fact that I was brave enough to wear it there. I have no idea if they would have anything to say at all.
September 4, 2008
Onions
Bismillah...
It is almost midnight and I have to be up in about five hours to make breakfast before we start our fifth day of fasting. Nothing much happened today, we did our mini-grocery shopping. I can't seem to remember all the stuff we need, or I think something will last and I run out on Wednesday. Today I really only needed onions and we ended up spending about $50.
We had a cat for about six years and recently gave her to my brother. We were not allowed to have pets at our new place and he had mice, so...a few birds with one stone. But she left behind a little momento. Actually, quite few momentos. I am having a war with fleas and it is driving me crazy. It's not like a major infestation, I might see one or five a day, but they are eating up my juicy baby, can't have that. I have been spraying the place for the past few days, but they are still here, little freaks. I am going to have to bring out the big guns. Going to have to get some Raid. So, another trip to Wal Mart.
Off to bed.
It is almost midnight and I have to be up in about five hours to make breakfast before we start our fifth day of fasting. Nothing much happened today, we did our mini-grocery shopping. I can't seem to remember all the stuff we need, or I think something will last and I run out on Wednesday. Today I really only needed onions and we ended up spending about $50.
We had a cat for about six years and recently gave her to my brother. We were not allowed to have pets at our new place and he had mice, so...a few birds with one stone. But she left behind a little momento. Actually, quite few momentos. I am having a war with fleas and it is driving me crazy. It's not like a major infestation, I might see one or five a day, but they are eating up my juicy baby, can't have that. I have been spraying the place for the past few days, but they are still here, little freaks. I am going to have to bring out the big guns. Going to have to get some Raid. So, another trip to Wal Mart.
Off to bed.
Babies
Bismillah hir Rahman nir RahimOne thing I have learned is that it is really difficult to keep up with a daily blog with an 11 month old. He is crawling and into everything so I can't very well just sit and think while he is over there discovering light sockets. Right now he is sitting at his "desk." One of the best things we got for this kid is that Exersaucer. For some reason pediatricians are against walkers, but since we moved to this new place with all tile floors we might get him one anyway. It's hard to watch your baby scampering across the cold, hard floor, but he doesn't seem to mind.
I gave him some fruit in one of those netted pacificers. So he can get the taste without choking and hopefully (though I doubt it) with less mess. Basically he is just sucking the juices out of it, once he got past the shocking sour taste of the pineapple.
This Caylee Anthony case is hard for me to watch. I just do not understand how you can do that. Not just "assumably" kill your kid, or give away your kid, or chloraform your kid, or stuff your dead kid in the trunk. But how can you be so cold about it, have nothing to say about it? Does she think if she just pleads the fifth it will all just go away?
Imad, my son, is my life. I know they say she did not even want her daughter and her mom talked her into keeping her. That poor baby, what kind of life was that, being raised by a woman who doesn't really want her? I remember all those years I tried to have a baby, all those silly Pakistani women constantly asking "When are you going to have a baby?", and suffering through three miscarriages while they asked, I remember, alhumdulillah, finally pregnant and getting through the first trimester, and then the severe swelling, high blood pressure, diabetes, insulin shots, restricted diet, toxemia, emergency C-section, and I would do it all again to have this little guy, subhanaAllah. And this woman couldn't bother to report her kid missing.
Maybe she wasn't missing because maybe she knew where her baby's body was, is, all along.
September 3, 2008
Ramadan, so far so good, alhumdulillah
Bismillah...
Okay, today is the third day of Ramadan, alhumdulillah, it has been fairly easy so far. I have been getting up around 5:15 to get breakfast ready. That is a huge feat of strength for me! I am NOT a morning person. But if I sleep thru, I know my husband will not get up at all, he doesn't even set his alarm, depends on me to get up and then make sure he gets up! SubhanaAllah, I consider it a religious duty to take care of my husband. If it wasn't it would be overbearing sometimes.
Well, the baby is awake. He slept the entire night, didn't wake up once, alhumdulillah. Kind of scared me!
Okay, today is the third day of Ramadan, alhumdulillah, it has been fairly easy so far. I have been getting up around 5:15 to get breakfast ready. That is a huge feat of strength for me! I am NOT a morning person. But if I sleep thru, I know my husband will not get up at all, he doesn't even set his alarm, depends on me to get up and then make sure he gets up! SubhanaAllah, I consider it a religious duty to take care of my husband. If it wasn't it would be overbearing sometimes.
Well, the baby is awake. He slept the entire night, didn't wake up once, alhumdulillah. Kind of scared me!
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