The Ideal Muslimah

Bismillah hir Rahman nir Rahim

I have been reading the book The Ideal Muslimah. While the information is good, very thurough I might add, I find it to be typical of religious books translated from Arabic. Not sayng there is anything wrong with the translation, just the wording is a bit odd and repetitive. They always use words that typical English readers don't use so it just sounds a bit off.

Anyway, that being said, I realize that I have a long way to go if I want to be the "ideal Muslimah." I have read the "daughter" chapter and the "wife" chapter (oh, man!) and now I am starting the "mother" chapter. Daughter chapter, common sense, treat your parents with kindness and respect, even if they are not Muslim.

The wife chapter....when I first started reading this book I had a feeling I was going to get pissed off when I read this chapter. It does go into detail about how the wife is supposed to be some kind of Super Woman and basically create some kind of heaven on earth for her husband. She is supposed to obey him as long as he is not going against Islam, she is supposed to overlook his faults and be sweet for him, dress up for him (in fact, the wife who does not look nice for her husband is falling into sin, the book says!) she is supposed to be patient when he gets out of hand. All this is well and good but in my mind this borders on servent more than wife, at least the way I was raised.

In my house, we always got our own glass of water, we always made our own plate at dinner, no one brought anything to us. We cleaned up our own messes, my mom was not a servent. She cooked and cleaned, did laundry, made sure we got up and got to school on time. But if you weren't there when dinner was ready, too bad for you. If you want a sandwich, you know where the bread is, knock yourself out. None of us, including my dad, expected her to run around dong this simple little things.

My husband, on the other hand, was a bit put off that I never did these simple little things for him. And it put me off that he expected me to run and bring him this and that, make a simple sandwich or snack that a five year old can do, while he was just sitting around with perfectly functioning hands and not doing anything that would prevent him from using his perfectly functioning hands to make his own damn sandwich. Really ticks me off that he "likes the way I make salad." WTH!?!? you throw lettuse and ranch on a plate, BOOM, salad.

A few months ago, his friend and friend's wife came to visit us for a week or so, and I saw the way she ran around, chasing their 2 year-old and fetching things for her husband, she rarely got to sit down. But didn't seem to get ticked off about, like I would have. Like, who does that guy think he is, must be nice having someone do all these simple things for him that he could do himself while she is watching their hyper kid.

So I was reading this "how to be the perfect Muslim wife" chapter, and it said something that I had not thought about before. Doing all these simple little mind-numbing things, get him a snack, bring him a glass of water when he comes home from work, bring him whatever from the kitchen or bedroom, these should not be considered as service to him, actually. When you do little things for him, or for anyone for that matter, it is the same as charity, a form of kindness, and inshaAllah, you get rewarded from Allah for that. So it is actually a religious duty, or service to Allah, to try to make your husband's life a little easier, even if it is as medial as throwing salad on a plate. You are serving Allah when you take care of your husband, and your kids. Why would you want to give up an easy chance to get rewarded from Allah, just because you think you are too good to get a glass of water?

In a perfect (dream!) world, the man is supposed to support the family financially, the woman is supposed to support him by providing a pleasant place for him to come home to. Last year we both worked, but once my baby was born I chose to stay home and raise him. I can not bear the thought of day care, I hear to many horror stories and I would not want to pick him up one day and the care giver say, "Guess what! He took his first steps today!" I know it is necessary for many many families in this day and age, both parents have to work to make ends meet, but so far, we have survived on just my husband's income, alhumdulillah. so I think it is only right that I try to make his home life easier by coming down off my high horse and try to be more "wifey."